i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
