shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
