I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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