My nipple is on Facebook.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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