i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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