with your own penis?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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