Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
