Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
