oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize