Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
