oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
