Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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