If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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