i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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