Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Randomize
