It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
