finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
