mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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