This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
