whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
