why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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