Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
