You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
