The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
