his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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