Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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