The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You left your phone here
Wait...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
