I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i dont even know how to be here
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
