chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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