oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
