Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
