he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
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Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
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i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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