he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
