the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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