im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
