i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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