There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
