I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
