Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.