nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.