Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
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Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
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you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world