Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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