I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after