I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
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He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
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My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".