I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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