Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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