What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
17 year olds will be the death of me.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
