Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
