wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
