life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
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I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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