I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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