Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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