And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
