i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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