About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Did I show you my penis last night?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
