i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
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The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
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Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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