Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
