You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
