My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I could make wine with my vomit
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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