You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
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I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
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It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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