You made me cry and you don't even care
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
