Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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