those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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