oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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