Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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