Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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