I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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