well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
