I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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