ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
