my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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