she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
