You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
