He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
