mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
