ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
