Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
