So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
